And then this idea came to me....
Why is it that a secure alliance is the primary cause of therapeutic healing?
Why does a person need a safe relationship in order to get healthy?
Why does a person need a safe relationship in order to get healthy?
I started looking back through my historical relationships and the relationships of people I have known. They are dominated with betrayal, abuse, neglect, and simply I've never really met anyone who has healthy relationships.
And I came to the realization...Humans are incredibly vulnerable and interdependent.
Vulnerability:
If you get in a fight..you can be killed very easily. If you live with people you don't trust, they could easily kill you in your sleep. As a child if your parents are abusive towards you, you have absolutely no defense and remain dependent on them for years.
Interdependence:
Not just physical violence is a problem though. It is wildly important to be accepted and loved in your social circle. We are a tribal species.. normally only interacting with 50-100 people in our lives historically. If the people you depend on for help, protection, and whom you spend your entire life with don't like you... thats a death sentence. Its massively important to be supported and approved of by the people around you.
I'd love to get some empirical data... but the people I've known in their early 20's haven't really had functional stable relationships. And no one I knew growing up, except for maybe the "wierd" psychologists kids down the street, had stable families.
The reality we might be looking at is that nearly everyone comes from unstable insecure attachments with their families... And then as they mature don't seem to achieve really secure and sustainable relationships on their own. It could be that romantic relationships and friendships aren't suitable for the kind of transference and PTA work going on in therapy... I'm not totally sure about all thats at play here...
But my basic premise would be.
Humans are incredibly vulnerable and interdependent.
Most don't achieve secure attachments in their relationships.
A therapist is often the only chance for a safe, vulnerable, honest, and compassionate relationship.
We exist in a world where safe and vulnerable relationships are nearly unheard of.
Assaulting children is a normal mode of "parenting".
In the US very often both parents work even during infancy. (abandonment....)
And then children are sent to school 7 hours a day to be bored...
What a collective nightmare...
Interdependence:
Not just physical violence is a problem though. It is wildly important to be accepted and loved in your social circle. We are a tribal species.. normally only interacting with 50-100 people in our lives historically. If the people you depend on for help, protection, and whom you spend your entire life with don't like you... thats a death sentence. Its massively important to be supported and approved of by the people around you.
I'd love to get some empirical data... but the people I've known in their early 20's haven't really had functional stable relationships. And no one I knew growing up, except for maybe the "wierd" psychologists kids down the street, had stable families.
The reality we might be looking at is that nearly everyone comes from unstable insecure attachments with their families... And then as they mature don't seem to achieve really secure and sustainable relationships on their own. It could be that romantic relationships and friendships aren't suitable for the kind of transference and PTA work going on in therapy... I'm not totally sure about all thats at play here...
But my basic premise would be.
Humans are incredibly vulnerable and interdependent.
Most don't achieve secure attachments in their relationships.
A therapist is often the only chance for a safe, vulnerable, honest, and compassionate relationship.
We exist in a world where safe and vulnerable relationships are nearly unheard of.
Assaulting children is a normal mode of "parenting".
In the US very often both parents work even during infancy. (abandonment....)
And then children are sent to school 7 hours a day to be bored...
What a collective nightmare...
FDR is really quite a bubble.
ReplyDeleteI'd play the idea out a bit further that the state and god are primarily created out of a desire to be accepted and protected. This is mainly inculcated by being around people who reject and aggress against you.
Of course people violently argue for politics... They desperately want acceptance from their group and they desperately desire protection from those around them.